Today is my half birthday.
I love my mom for always throwing us half birthday parties :).
So, I am 35 and a half.
I say I am cool with getting older. I even say I like it.
Part of me really does believe this.
And I really do believe each birthday is a privilege.
I preach this.
On my actual birthday I celebrate big and will gladly tell people my age.
I don’t hide it on facebook profiles or random surveys.
I roll my eyes when people won’t share their age.
But then I noticed I am not as “cool” as I thought I am around age.
I notice how I think I am but how I am not really living it.
I notice how when a friend who I know is younger than me asks me how old I am, I cringe, yes I tell them of course, but I cringe and I tell them, “Oh, I am old, I am 35” with this wah-wah-almost-longing-for-32 energy.
I notice how with each month passing I subtly resist 36.
How I am not fully open to it.
Or if I am open to it, it is with condition.
Like, for example, I tell myself, well as long as I am making this amount of money by the time I am 36 then it’ll be okay that I am 36.
Or like maybe if I am pregnant again by the time I am 36 then I can swallow it.
And so now what? Now that I know this about myself what will I do?
I will be the person I think that I am. I am 35 and a freaking half and so damn proud.
And not because of anything I accomplished or not.
Just because I am that age and that is awesome just in it of itself.
It might be a little wonky to lean into to this partial belief, but I will and in no time I will be fully there, rocking 36 and then 37 and then 72 and then 93.
I am so done being kind of okay ish with my age.
Wanna come over tonight for half of a birthday cake in a half decorated kitchen to celebrate?
Love you mom <3.