I am 35 and a half.

Today is my half birthday.

I love my mom for always throwing us half birthday parties :).

So, I am 35 and a half.

I say I am cool with getting older. I even say I like it.

Part of me really does believe this.

And I really do believe each birthday is a privilege.

I preach this.

On my actual birthday I celebrate big and will gladly tell people my age.

I don’t hide it on facebook profiles or random surveys.

I roll my eyes when people won’t share their age.

But then I noticed I am not as “cool” as I thought I am around age.

I notice how I think I am but how I am not really living it.

I notice how when a friend who I know is younger than me asks me how old I am, I cringe, yes I tell them of course, but I cringe and I tell them, “Oh, I am old, I am 35” with this wah-wah-almost-longing-for-32 energy.

I notice how with each month passing I subtly resist 36.

How I am not fully open to it.

Or if I am open to it, it is with condition.

Like, for example, I tell myself, well as long as I am making this amount of money by the time I am 36 then it’ll be okay that I am 36.

Or like maybe if I am pregnant again by the time I am 36 then I can swallow it.

And so now what? Now that I know this about myself what will I do?

I will be the person I think that I am. I am 35 and a freaking half and so damn proud.

And not because of anything I accomplished or not.

Just because I am that age and that is awesome just in it of itself.

It might be a little wonky to lean into to this partial belief, but I will and in no time I will be fully there, rocking 36 and then 37 and then 72 and then 93.

I am so done being kind of okay ish with my age.

Wanna come over tonight for half of a birthday cake in a half decorated kitchen to celebrate?

Love you mom <3.