Bora Bora and Body Love

I am just back from leading a week long retreat in Bora Bora!


If we are friends on social media -- yes it really was as good as it looked.


Bora Bora is like the most beautiful place on earth.


We couldn’t gush enough over the jaw dropping beauty, we couldn’t take enough pictures.


I will say --  sometimes it rains there. Sometimes the current in the lagoon picks up and the water isn’t THAT turquoise. Sometimes it gets cloudy and you can’t see the top of the majestic Mt. Otumanu.


BUT I didn’t ever hear, nor did I think, oh man, if that cloud could just move over a little to the left and the aqua could just brighten up a bit, then this would be perfect, it would be even more beautiful.


We just loved loved Bora Bora, we just delighted in the beauty of it all the time no matter what it looked like that day.


And since I was with some of my besties and some new awesome favorite people, we were gushing over being together and we couldn’t take enough pictures of each other.


Sometimes I really didn’t like a certain angle of my face or my chin, sometimes one of us thought we looked fat, and sometimes we had to delete the pic because “it was just that bad”.


Nature made Bora Bora and nature made our bodies.


Isn’t that crazy?


What if we could see all of nature and its uniqueness as perfect just the way it is. Even in pictures. Everytime.


Because really who cares if I look fat? So what? Then someone out there might think I look fat? So I am fat in someone's mind.


So what?


Are we so concerned about the pictures we take because we are afraid of being perceived as not good enough? Are we so conditioned that we really believe it is bad if we have some cellulite showing?


Why do we care so much?


For me, I realize it is such a waste of energy.


So from here on out I am just going to like every picture. I am just going to let the onlookers have their opinion about me, right or wrong. Because really who cares?


I know what I look like and I know who I am.


It may be a tall order but at least it is a fun challenge. What if we could just like every image of ourselves? Because it is perfect and because nature made it and because what other people think of it does not matter at all.


Only what we think and make it mean matters.


Have the Best Week Ever + Love,

Laura


And PS since I wrote this like 24 hours ago -- I have been majorly tested on my new decision to like every picture. My brain wants to critique every little “flaw” -- that is it’s default -- but if I have to like the picture -- my brain starts to get creative and for the most part I can get there. It actually IS kind of fun.

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Why Diets don’t Work

When I was in the thick of my yo-yo dieting days and the diet wasn’t “working” I secretly wished something was wrong with me and I really wished there was a magic pill that would solve said thing.


I would have rather been sick or unhealthy than actually have to stick to a “diet”. It is kind of sick in it of itself.


When my vitamin D was low, I thought oh this has to be the answer.


Or when I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue (later learned it was actually a misdiagnosis), I was like ah-hah.


Or maybe lemon water was the answer.


The thing is -- I wished so badly that the answer was OUTSIDE of myself. Outside of me having to experience discomfort.


I just wanted the magic pill.


I really just wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Literally.


I wanted to be thin and go to the party and eat and drink all of the things.


I wanted to weigh my natural weight and basically binge on vacation.

I wanted to eat half the bread basket and 4 pats of butter or the whole dessert when I ate out 4 times a week and still fit into THE jeans.


It wasn’t my thyroid or my vitamin d or anything else, it was my brain.


It is like my coach says, “It’s very hip these days to say that diets don’t work. Listen. Diets work. They do their job. They even lead to permanent weight loss. If you stay on them permanently. It’s not that diets don’t work. It’s that we stop doing them.”


So good, right?


So I found the closest thing I could to a magic pill: allowing discomfort versus resisting it, a customized “diet” that I am OBSESSED with, and deconditioning an intense over desire for unhealthy food.


It took work on my brain, my thoughts, my mindset to truly get what I wanted and to stop blaming my body for my undesired results.

Why Me?

In case you are not a blog loyalist (ps you totally should be, it is very cool to be a laura conley blog loyalist in case you haven’t heard), I just moved into a new home in a new state.


You guys we literally moved from a 600 sq ft apartment to a HOUSE.


Which means we have like no furniture. Which means overstock and crate and barrel are our number one fans.


Which means we get tons of packages everyday.


You guys, these packages, let me tell you, half the time, it is not the right order or the box is damaged or it is the wrong color and blah blah blah.


My knee jerk reaction is that my blood boils and I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE CAN’T DO THEIR MOTHER EFFING JOBS!!!!!


I ask myself, why can’t they get it right? Why did I order from them in the first place? Why can’t it just go smoothly?


Do you guys know they answers to these questions?


You don’t have to, to know that the answers to these questions are negative and literally make me feel like SHIT.


I just keep going into a lil tizzy spat thingy.


So I took a page out of Jen Sincero’s book and started asking “Why is this good?” instead.


My brain came up with so many good reasons (good job brain!) for why it is GOOD that the curtain rod rings didn’t match the actual curtain rod even though it said so online and thus I had to go to Crate and Barrel two times.


Literally for every “negative” thing that happens, I try to ask this, “Why is this good?” question and every single time my brain finds something GOOD.


And then the trajectory of my day and my mood is like 1000% times better.


It is magic.


Our brains love to answer questions. Our brains don’t care if the questions we pose elicit a negative or positive response. They just love to find answers.


Why is this good?


Try it. It will change everything.


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Why I Quit and you might too.

Are you a quitter?


Or are you more of a legitter?


AKA do you make excuses to not do the things that you planned to do?


Or when you don’t do things you planned to do is it because of a legit reason?


My colleague calls this a “LEGIT” vs. a “QUIT”.


I have been grappling a lot lately with which camp I fall into when it is time to do things I don’t feel (insert whiny toddler voice)  like doing.


As you know, we moved halfway across the country into our new home with barely any furniture, I often have gnarly altitude/ morning sickness along with this blessing of a pregnancy and I have a fun, spirited toddler.


And. I have a crazy huge business goal.


So. It will be time to do what is scheduled to do on my calendar. Let’s say my calendar says “create xyz video”.


My brain will come up with all kinds of reasons as to why I don’t feel like it or I can’t possibly do that right now.


Sometimes my brain will tell me I can’t do the video right now because my bff told me it is “WAY DAY” and I all of a sudden need to take advantage of the the amazing outdoor furniture sale Wayfair is having. Like right now.


Sometimes I don’t feel like it because I feel physically soooo nauseous.


Sometimes it is, well there isn’t a good place to record the video because the house isn’t decorated, what are you just gonna have white walls behind you?!


Sometimes I don’t feel like it because I am just so exhausted.


And then sometimes I don’t feel like it because the house is destroyed and unorganized and I would just be so much more productive if I just cleaned up and organized an entire room first.


Or what about when the nanny unexpectedly cancels?


Or the landscaping guy can only come between these specific hours?


Only I know if these are LEGITS or QUITS. Reasons or excuses. And only you know when it comes to your schedule.


But what I do know is that in general LEGITS happen once in a blue moon and QUITS try to happen all day everyday. At least for me.


But right now there are actually MORE LEGITS given my circumstances AND this is the kicker, way more opportunities for my brain to try to disguise QUITS as LEGITS.


It is so helpful to be able to decipher which is which.. And when I really stop and ask myself, I know deep down which is which.


So when a quit comes up, I can just simply notice it, know that this is NORMAL for my brain to do (aka don’t beat yourself up)  and move onto creating the video (ps this feels like ass) and when a LEGIT comes up I can take care of it without any drama.


You can apply this tool to your calendar, to the way you eat and even to your relationships.


How to Make Your dreams come true!

In 2013 I wrote down this very goal, “Brian and I move into our dream home, city and neighborhood by December 31, 2019”.



Part of me wholeheartedly believed this.



Part of me was totally freaked out and wanted to unwrite it.



Part of me was giddy with excitement.



AND a big part of me was like, “HOW!!!??”



For so many of us the question of “HOW?” equals “STOP”.



Part of us wants to lose the weight or buy the house or launch our side hustle.



But then another part of us is like “How are you gonna do that?”



And we are like “I have no clue. Yeah you are probably right, it is too hard. It won’t work. I just don’t know. I don’t even know who does know.”



We think we have to know the answer to “HOW?” in order to move forward.



So we stop. We stop dreaming, planning, goaling, creating.



And then we are at risk for leading a pretty mediocre life, a life that is just on auto-pilot, set to default mode.



Most awesome things in life didn’t start with the how.



My guess is Steve Jobs didn’t know HOW to create the iphone or the first builders of dream homes didn’t know HOW to build an actual dream home or like those little heat packets you put in your mittens, those guys definitely didn’t know the HOW.



You guys. I had NO IDEA how we would buy our house.



But that wasn’t important.  All I had to know was the WHAT.



What did I want? I wanted the house.



So my job was committing to the house and simply taking the next best step. Saving some money here and there. Exploring this neighborhood and that one. Talking to this real estate agent and another mortgage broker. Scheming up ideas with my husband.



Sometimes the next best step didn’t work. Sometimes it took me in a new direction. But I believed in this dream and was committed to it so I just kept going.



At one point someone “important” actually told me that we could not get a house. I could have believed them.



When I look back at HOW this goal unfolded, I realize I could have NEVER known that HOW. And that is part of the beauty of it.



But I can tell you I never gave up (even though I wanted to sometimes) on the goal.



So as I sit here on April 9, 2019 I am like boo ya!!! We did it!!! We live in an our dream home, neighborhood and city!!



Not because we knew how but because we knew the what and were committed, above all else, to the belief that we would make it happen.



Have the best week ever,



Laura



PS if you have a dream that is leaving you feeling stuck, or a goal where you think this work doesn’t apply ;), try me, book a free mini coaching session and let’s do it! Sessions are open through tonight (Wednesday at midnight!).

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Why my pregnancy was never meant to be a secret!

Disclaimer: this post is MY experience. While this post illustrates my opinion and wants, I TOTALLY respect everyone’s choices in how they communicate their personal stuff. Truly.


Soooo.


Eeeek!! I’m pregnant!!


I am 10 weeks pregnant with our second baby!!


Some of you are like “Holy Shit!!! Congrats!!!!”


Some of you are like “Wait. why are you telling me/ us/ the world this so early!??!”


“You know you can’t tell us you are pregnant until you are AT LEAST 13 weeks pregnant.”


Until it is safe.  Until your risk of miscarriage has significantly gone down. It is just the rule, okay?!


Here is the thing.


I am so excited I am pregnant!


I genuinely want to share my news with people, especially when it comes up in conversation.


You guys, the pregnancy test wasn’t even dry and I was telling friends / receptionist at the co-work / students / acquaintances / anyone that would listen that we are having a baby.


Most people are just so excited and love to be excited with me.


Every now and then I get this “Laura!!!!” with a side of disbelief that I was sharing the news too early.


As if it is a secret.


I am pregnant.


It is not a secret. In fact it is the opposite of a secret. It is something to be celebrated.


It is something to be celebrated even if this doesn’t turn out the way I so desperately hope.


It is still not meant to be a secret if I miscarry.


If I miscarry that is also not a secret.


I began to wonder… does this societal rule of you must wait until you are 13 weeks to tell people perpetuate the idea that miscarriage is something to be hidden? To be ashamed of? As if we have control over it? As if it is somehow our fault?


I kind of think it does.


So now I am really telling everyone.


Because I just really want to and because it was never meant to be a secret. At least for me.

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We Moved to Colorado and It Sucked.

We’re here!!!


A week ago there weren’t so many exclamation points. Actually there weren’t any.


You guys. I got so so so so sick with altitude sickness.


Like Mt. Everest altitude sick, not like Boulder, CO altitude sick.


Who even gets altitude sickness at a mile high!?!?!


So for a week I was horizontal. I did not unpack one box or change one diaper.


My poor husband.


And at the beginning of the week I was so sorry.


So sorry for myself. And so so sorry to my husband because I wasn’t doing shit.


Then I realized that was stupid.


Feeling and being sorry for a physical thing is just the most unproductive and ineffective things ever.


So I decided that the boxes would get unpacked. That we weren’t in a rush.


And I decided instead of whining and saying sorry to my husband over and over. I would just thank him. <insert this method if you are an over-apologizer, most of the time you can just say thank you>


Those two simple and seemingly small things changed everything.


And after gallons of water and tons of rest I am back to me!


And ps it does not suck at all ;)!


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Thai Food and Grab Ass.

You know those little fried onion things that sometimes come with thai food?



I love those little things.



I was cleaning up our thai food take out a few weeks ago and there were a couple on the counter left over from the topping for my husband’s soup.



I picked one up and popped it in my mouth.



As soon as I did it I was like “oops”.



Then I was like “oh one little fried onion thing won’t matter”.



And it probably would not have mattered in terms of I wasn’t going to like gain weight or feel lethargic or whatever.



But then I remembered why it actually did matter.



Why it matters more than anything in the world.



I made a promise to myself over a year ago that I don’t mindlessly eat, no matter what.



I don’t eat my husbands scraps or my daughters crusts of her pb and banana sandwich.



So when I do mindlessly eat it is like I am cheating on myself.



The level of self-trust drops a notch or two.



My confidence in keeping my word to myself is weakened.



I could start to wonder if I will achieve my goal or keep my promise.



My coach calls this “grab-assing”.



If you are in a committed relationship, would you ever like make out with a random dude at the bar? Even if he was really hot? What if he was like super funny?



NO! You wouldn’t! You’re committed to your person.



You wouldn’t just like grab his ass a little here and there.



Same rule applies here.



Why would you cheat on yourself just a little here and there?



The magic in creating what you want around food or your weight or any goal is in committing as truly to ourselves as we do our partners or anything else in our lives.



Have the Best Week Ever + Tons of Love,

Laura


PS If you want to up your level of self-trust so you can literally achieve anything, I am opening just 3 spots this week for free mini coaching sessions and you must click by end of day Wednesday.

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Wait, why are you moving?

Did you guys hear we are moving to Boulder?


We are in the thick of ALL THE FEELS right now with just a few more days in Santa Monica.


This is how the conversation usually goes when I tell someone that we are moving.


“We are moving to Colorado!!”


“Oh, cool! So, it’s for Brian’s job?”


“No -- we just decided we wanted to move to Colorado.”


And that is usually received with a sweet look of bewilderment.


You guys we are just moving to Colorado because we want to.


It is so weird to so many people.


But shouldn’t it be the other way around?


Shouldn’t our desires come before our jobs?


Shouldn’t our desires come before all of the other seemingly good reasons our brains come up with as to why we shouldn’t do whatever our thing is?


Whether it is date the eccentric dude or write our book or move to a new city.


What if our desires were the most important things ever?


I know what some of you are thinking.


Must be nice. Or easy for you to say. Or I just don’t have that choice.


But what if you challenged that voice in your brain in the name of what it is you really really really want?


Whenever I entertain a dream, a really big one, like moving halfway across the country and buying a house, my brain ALWAYS freaks out, always tells me why I can’t.


My brain sounds so logical.


But it is all a lie.


It is hard and uncomfortable to challenge our brains. But it is so worth it.


Our dreams our on the other side.


Have the BEST week ever + So much love to you!


Laura


PS if you want to work on your brain or your dreams schedule a free mini session with me, I am opening up 5 mini sessions through tomorrow, click here to schedule.

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How to Make the Right Decision

Guess What!!!


We are moving!


Colorful Colorado is calling our names and we couldn’t be more excited about it!


Most people are really supportive and happy for us.


Every once and a while we will hear a very well intentioned rebuttal.


Like, “why would you do that!?!?”


Or, “What if you don’t like it?”


Or, “I have heard really good things, but I have also heard really bad things…”


They say, “oh my god, aren’t you gonna freeze?”


And, “What if this isn’t the right house, what if you didn’t do enough research?”


Or, “are you sure you want to live in that town, that seems far from Denver!”


And on and on.


Here is the thing.


We are moving to Colorado.


And we are going to FUCKING LOVE IT.


Why?


Because we just decided that we are going to love it.


We decided that it is the BEST decision for our family.


That even if our neighbors don’t become our bffs and wanna have wine with the baby monitors in the backyard or if it is 17 degrees five days in a row in April or if our roof gets a leak or our daughter questions us later as to why we left the beach, it will still be the RIGHT decision. The BEST town. The PERFECT house. In the most RIGHT neighborhood.


Did you know you can do this with any decision in your life?


You can just decide that it is perfect and right.


Did you know that the only thing that makes a decision wrong is your brain?


What if all the decisions were right?


What if you just proved this true for yourself?


People will say that is delusional.


So what?


It is delusional either way. It is our pick.


I am going to miss all my beloved friends, the endless warmth, my pedicure spot, my favorite workouts…. But that is another post. Xoxox.


Have the best week ever + love you tons,


Laura


PS come say goodbye, we are leaving in just over a week! I have two events in the next week click here to sign up!