My Story
My story
Can you relate?
It all started in high school. The conditioning of our culture started to really sink in.
Skinny over everything else.
Size 0 a must.
Because of course that equalled good enough, pretty enough, worthy of being popular enough.
Skinny was the most important thing.
I can remember eating just an apple for lunch, or creating contests with friends to see how long we could go in a day without eating.
Counting every single calorie, always staying under 1000, 800 was even better.
Weekends I could let up a little. Over eat stuffed crust pizza (member that!?!?) and binge on Amy’s moms 7 layer dip with friends.
With the heavy guilt of the weekend hanging over me, Monday morning I always vowed to be even more strict than the week before.
Enter the over-eat then over-restrict then over-eat then REALLY over-restrict cycle. And so on and so forth.
This lasted for the next almost 20 years.
At about age 32-33, I gave up. Accepted defeat. I mean wouldn’t you too?
I had tried everything and nothing worked.
I thought, “welp, this is just going to be my thing, I am just always going to be gaining and losing, gaining and losing”.
Either on this new fad diet or just in eff it mode and eating all the things. Both, by the way, felt like total ass.
And if this is just going to be my thing - maybe I shouldn’t complain so much, this isn’t such a bad thing in the things you can be dealt in life.
I was in defeat and despair and then judging myself because I shouldn't be.
I was totally allowing food to have so much power over me. I didn’t know there was another way.
Physically, I rarely looked how I wanted and when I actually did, I was just afraid that it would be fleeting (it was). And when I didn’t look how I wanted, I railed on my body and my clothes and the unfairness of it all.
Mentally, I was exhausted, constantly trying to figure out the next thing that was going to be my answer, the next diet I should try. I was exhausted from counting and planning and then not sticking to the plan.
Emotionally, I felt inadequate (hello, don’t you know pharma reps and yoga teachers are supposed to have perfectly thin bodies?!?!), guilty and endlessly frustrated.
Spiritually, I was confused. All these yoga trainings, meditation trainings, workshops, my daily practice - how could I be so connected in so many other ways and continually not solve this looming problem? What was wrong with me?
Then.
I had my daughter.
Full stop.
The defeat turned into drive. The despair into determination.
OVER MY DEAD BODY WOULD I PASS THIS ON TO MY DAUGHTER.
She will not be starving herself on a beach with her friends so she can fit into a size zero by Friday.
She will not have 17 calorie counting trackers on her phone.
She won’t even know what a mother fucking calorie is.
She won’t go to the gym at 9pm for a second workout because she has to burn off the office carbs.
She won’t spend 35 minutes staring at her closet wondering what to wear only for her to cancel her plans and sob into her pillow.
She won’t pick apart her body in the mirror desperate to figure out how little she can eat so her left love handle will finally disappear.
She will be free if I have anything to do with it.
SO I WENT ON A MISSION TO SOLVE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.
I thought:
THERE HAS TO BE A WAY.
A way to eat normal amounts of real food and weigh a normal amount.
A way to love my body.
A way to heal my relationship with food.
A way to be DONE with this so I can focus on what I actually want to focus on.
It gives me the chills to type this out.
I FOUND THE WAY.
A way we can do all of it, weigh our dream come true weight, eat food, love our bodies and be an example to our daughters and sons.
The way was coaching.
Coaching to learn how to rewire my brain, lower an over desire for food, balance my hormones and learn how to do what I say I am going to. And actually have fun doing it.
This is my story. I am so glad I got to write the ending.
The ending where I am so excited to pass down to my daughter and now my son what a healthy relationship with food and their bodies looks like. The ending where I love my body. Where I weigh my dream weight effortlessly and without deprivation. Where I have sooooo much mental space to focus on the important things.
I got to be the one in charge. I got to have the power.
What is your ending? You get to write it.
Have the Best Week Ever,
Laura
PS GUESS WHAT!!! The Yummy Mummy Podcast is coming! Yippee!! I can’t wait! It is dropping it’s hotness on Monday the 16th! You are going to love it! It will be dedicated to helping you write your weight loss story and weighing your dream come true weight so you can do whatever the eff you want in life that is the opposite of worrying about your weight! YES!
PPS if you are not in my free facebook group - get the heck in! It is the BEST! I am adding new tools (think free coaching, challenges and meditations!) so come on over babes! Link is here!
AND mark your calendars for next Wednesday the 18th at 12:00pm MT (11am PT // 1pm CT // 2pm ET) for our first in a series of LIVE COACHING!!! you are gonna want to be there!!!