More on Mom Guilt

Should I go to yoga or go home and be with Luna?

Was I overly cautious when she threw up? Not cautious enough?

Am I being selfish for taking her for a stroller run instead of taking her to the playground because we really only have like 37 minutes?

Did I stop breastfeeding too soon?

My bestie and I were facetiming yesterday.

We notice how there are so many articles and chapters in the parenting books on how to get RID of MOM GUILT. There are all these crafty ways to trick yourself out of it.

I sometimes think the more momming I do, the more years that pass by the less mom guilt I will have.

As if this mom guilt shouldn’t be part of the deal.

But what if is just the deal?

What if it is just a part of the package?

What if we allowed it?

Like just thought to ourselves, “oh there is the mom guilt again” and then took a deep breath.

Instead of fighting it? Or trying to wine-it away? Or talk ourselves out of it?

What if we breathed it all in.


Just as the cuddles and playground adventures and the first “I love you” are a part of what we have signed up for, what if the guilt was what we have signed up for too?

I think this way is way easier. Maybe not super comfortable. But easier.

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Snack Sabatoge

I took Luna to the park this past Friday. She is pretty adventurous. READ: she is getting hurt like all the time now.

So she busted her face on the playground.

I helped to calm her down but she was still a bit fussy moments later.

Then I offered her a snack.

“Do you want a snack? Maybe that will help you feel better?” I said, OUT LOUD.

Holy crap you guys. This whole food-will-make-me-feel-better thing starts when we are barely 1.

The pints of ice cream. The chocolate. The wine. The goldfish at the park.

We are sold a story that food will make us feel better. And it kind of does.

But not because it makes Luna’s ouchie feel better. Not because it makes the boyfriend come back. Not because it makes our boss nice. Not because it helps us to feel what we are meant to feel as humans.

But because it releases a chemical in our brain that elicits false pleasure and then for some of us a big NET NEGATIVE down the line. (not weighing what we want to weigh? Sugar hangovers anyone?)

Food is like a really crappy band aid that when it falls off the the “ouchie” is even worse than when it started.

So of course many of us don’t feel the way we want in our bodies. Maybe partly because we have been told by our culture since before we could barely even chew that food is the answer.

It never is.

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Judgers Gonna Judge

I can remember it like was yesterday. I had just started teaching yoga and I was hiking with one of my mentors and I asked, “but what if they judge me?”

And she said, “oh they will of course judge you.”

WAIT WHAT!!!?!?! You mean I can’t control each and every mind and make all of the people everywhere think of me how I want them to think of me?!?

Surprisingly this has been one of the most freeing lessons I have learned (and have had to learn over and over again).

“Letting” people judge me as I teach yoga or coach or do motherhood or live in the world is one of the best gifts I can give myself.

And I have to give it to myself again as I put myself out there by way of #bloglife.

So when people comment on my posts and I realize that they haven’t gotten my intended point. Or they tell me to love myself more. Or they disagree with me in real life. Or they think I am shallow for posting a picture of a scale.

My knee jerk reaction is to want to explain my way out of every little critique or minor misinterpretation.

We act like it matters. The people and their judgements.

We think “Oh I better not do this really awesome thing because this one person might think blah blah blah blah.”

We think our mom and our friend from 2nd grade is “Everyone”.

We act like people judging us is a reason to stop what we are doing.

I have to remember it is not my job to manage your opinion of me.

Your opinion of me is actually none of my business.

I have to on purpose let people be wrong about me.

What if people judging us meant we were right on track? What if the more people that judge us meant the bigger the impact we are having?

And PS so much love and respect to my *real* blogger friends who I am sure have learned this lesson on a whole new level. You and your unbreakable backbones are so inspiring.

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Breaking Up with Breastfeeding

I always thought I would breastfeed until Luna was 18 months. At least. Maybe two years.

Her pediatrician recommended at least 18 months because of her health stuff.

I was ALL IN. Whatever I can do, sign me up 100 times. I’ll eat the lactation cookies, spike my oatmeal with so much flax seed it is hard to swallow, pump on top of breastfeeding (shoot me in the face NOW), whatever it takes was my motto.

 

I knew for sure I would get her to 18 months. I believed it with all of my being. I was so committed.

Then Luna’s health stuff was CURED.

It dawned on me that this old intention needing some updating.

So I decided to just go with the breastfeeding flow for a while. I weaned her from a few of the feedings because she was eating string cheese and broccolini and salmon like a champ.

And then this past week my body literally told me, “We are done.”

Just like that. Just like a straightforward, no debate necessary, fact.

We are done. It is time.

I said to my body what about the 18 months and what about the immunities and what about. And my body was just like, it is time. And then I was like, okay, body, I hear you.

It is kind of weird, I don’t feel sad. And on the flip side I don’t feel overly happy or like I need to throw myself a party.

It just feels like a fact.

So the main real feeling is groundedness and trust in my body's innate intelligence.

And so that is the celebration really.

What I want to celebrate is that intelligence AND my ability (huge shout out to my teacher in all things body intelligence, Kia Miller!!!! WHAT WHAT!!!)  to have been able to hear it and follow through on it.


May we all celebrate each other in the way we nourish our babies and ourselves over a bunch of lactation cookies, because , eff those are actually soooo good.

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Book Club

We all know were not in the book club for the books.

We’re in it for the wine and the food and the connection.

At least that is why I am in my book club. (although, shocking to mostly me, I have actually been reading the books. Turns out you can actually read even if you have a baby)

Many times I go to book club, or wine club (I have one of those too) or girls night out and I over indulge. And then I feel like shit. Again, you guys know how this story ends.

So last night I went to Book Club, ate the salad and veggies I planned to eat, drank the 2 glasses of wine I planned to drink.

I didn’t eat the bites of brownie my friend offered or the cold pieces of flatbread that were leftover. I wanted to.

But what I want more is to achieve my goal.

And what I want even more is to just do what I say I am going to do.

To trust myself.

So, for once, I just did that.

And this morning I woke up.

I realized I had just as much fun (if not more - don’t tell my past self that though) as I would have had I eaten the thing that wasn’t on the plan.

So last night I had the same amount of fun.

BUT. You guys, this morning I had WAY more fun than any morning where I had eaten the thing that wasn’t on that plan.

So I am currently at a net positive.

The month we read Little Fires Everywhere. That was a net negative. I ate all the things I said I wasn’t going to, had a sugar/ wine/ flour hangover and felt like ASS.

So, what I have found with this weight loss stuff over the past year is that the weight loss can be the goal, sure. But what I am creating and who I am becoming on the journey is so much deeper than weighting the “right” number or fitting into the jeans I want to fit into.

The relationship I am building with myself is just the most worth it thing ever.

The Holidays and Losing Weight

Like vacation and losing weight, the holidays and losing weight, just don’t belong in the same sentence.

I think about how for me November 1st has been a big “throw in the towel” day in past years.

I probably have woken up with a sugar hangover from too many whoppers. (it’s my fave halloween candy, weird, I know)

I probably think to myself oh eff it, it’s basically the holidays, I’ll just start in January.

Kiss.

Of.

Death.

So I inevitably eat all the things, feel like crap, don’t achieve my goals, blah blah blah, you all know where this leads.

You guys. For many of us it is just two days. The Holidays. Two days. Maybe three.

I think about how crazy it is that I willingly threw my goals out the window because of two days on the calendar.


Yes. I know there are parties and cookie exchanges and eggnog and the little christmas tree reese’s.


But what if the food and the drinks weren’t what made the holidays the holidays?

What if the family and the friends and the Mariah Carey songs and the matching christmas pajamas made the holidays the holidays? What if this was the focus?

Maybe we would show up more presently for all of the things?

Maybe we could even blow our own minds and lose weight or just rock our current hot bods and not gain weight over the next two months?

Maybe we would start the new year without the holiday haze that I am usually clouded in for about the first 6 days of January?

So, this year, just like this last vacation away, I am all in for feeling good over the holidays and focusing on what matters.

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Thank You NOTS

Did your parents make you write thank you notes growing up?

Mine did.

I hated it.

I always procrastinated until the very last minute and then barely got them out within the 2 week “rule”.

For many years as an adult I mostly have written them when I “should” although I have gotten a little more lenient with myself over the past couple of years.

I still pretty much hate it. I never have the up to date addresses. I have like 7 stamps instead of the 8 I need. It literally takes me like 3 hours to do.

Ugh.I am like “who has time for this?”. I am all “why are we playing this game!” and “can you just not get me the gift in the first place!!!!”

So then I rebel. I am like “No more thank you notes!!!!”. I am like “isn’t a heartfelt text enough?” or “actual words coming out of my mouth”, isn’t that enough?

Then I don’t send the thank you notes.

Then I feel guilty. For like months and months and months.

I see the people I didn’t write thank you notes to. I think omigod do they think I am so ungrateful, and do they know I really am so thankful? Are they so mad.

So then I waste all that energy on that game.

So here I am in in thank you note purgatory.

I can write the thank you note and resent the whole process or I can skip it and feel guilty.  Not a real awesome choice.

So I thought about it. What do I really want if anything was possible around thank you notes?

Turns out I want to write the thank you notes. (I can literally hear a few a you cheering through the screen!!!) Turns out I can do this without ANY negative thoughts.


So this morning, I poured myself some reheated and then reheated again coffee, stuck a fancy cinnamon stick in it, lit a candle and scribbled away.

I had fun, I didn’t rush it, I let creativity flow and tried to be funny and I just enjoyed the ‘art’ of writing thank you notes. he. he.

(please don’t be disappointed when you get said TY note and it is really not funny at all)

Not because I should, not because I have been programmed to, not because if I don’t I might feel guilty but because I just genuinely want to.

So now I am an official thank you note while having fun and drinking luke warm coffee writer and it is the best.

Sometimes it is so freeing to decide on purpose what we will or won’t do.

Mini Session Meltdown

Do you guys know how I offer mini sessions for coaching?

Well you can sign up for one of five mini sessions that I might be offering during a particular month. For free.

I take these mini sessions clients seriously. I show up. Grounded. Ready to get my coach on. Present and excited.

So today I had one scheduled. I was all ready to go. Signed on to Zoom.

She never showed up, so I followed up with a sweet email.

She emailed me back a little while later.

You guys. I had the wrong time in my head. Insert face to hand emoji. EFFF.

How am I ever going to build a giant, awesome, successful coaching practice if I can’t even get the time right?

What is wrong with me?

This is the most embarrassing thing ever. Holy shit. I can’t even email her.

Must crawl into hole and die now.

JUST KIDDING.

I didn’t do that.

Because a few months ago I decided that I am just simply not allowed to beat myself up for mistakes. Never again. It is just not allowed.

So I wrote her an email, apologized and we rescheduled.

And that was literally it.

PS if you want a free mini session contact me to set one up. And then cross your fingers I actually show up ;).

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Life is Short: Part 1

I got an email from my old boss that one of my old co-workers had a heart attack and died yesterday.

She was young and it was sudden.

I feel so much sorrow for her family, she was total sunshine and such a beaming human being.

People die suddenly all the time.

We say things like, “Life is short” and “Such a reminder to live life to the fullest” and “Hug your people” and “It’s important to the let the things that don’t matter go.” It is all true.

We really mean these things wholeheartedly.

And maybe we do hug our people or sign up for guitar lessons or bite our tongue when we want to snap at our husband.

But then I think about a couple weeks from now.

Do we just go back to “normal” life?

How do we really keep it up?

How do we really remember that taking out the trash right this minute is not that important or that the parking ticket is really not a big deal or that people make mistakes and it is okay to forgive fast?

So I think this blog is a question, and we all have our own unique answers.

Because your people could be gone tomorrow.

How do you want to treat them? How do you want your experience to be with them? What do you want them to know?

And then, the most important, how do you remember when life gets in the way?

Answer for yourself and let me know -- I would love to hear!

My answers coming soon.

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Losing Weight and Vacation: Part 2

You guys. The results are in.

I led my retreat last week. (If you haven’t read part one, scroll down)

I challenged myself to lose weight while in Mexico.

I went in fully armored, with a plan, you amazing people as my accountability partners (and two friends too) and most importantly my desire to feel good while away top of mind.

My plan was no second helpings and no dessert.

Pretty simple.

Of course my brain went bananas when the waiters tried to serve me dessert after every dinner or my new friends were getting up for seconds for the to-die-for chia pudding (seriously this is reason enough to come to Mexico with us it is soooo good).

But I think I told you I am over breaking promises with myself.

So I stuck to my plan.

And for the first time in the adult history of Laura Elizabeth Wulf Conley I didn’t gain weight.

I weighed exactly the same when I got back as I did when I left. (I know, I know, I didn’t actually lose weight, but coooome onnnnnn).

Insert mind blown emoji here.

And the best part, I felt effing fantastic while away.

I was able to show up and be more me and contribute more. I was more present with the people there and my purpose for being there, to teach and coach.

This is one of the reasons I love losing weight or maintaining weight. Not for the weight itself but for the people we become while working towards the goal.

Maybe you’re thinking weighing a certain number or looking a certain way is superficial or frivolous. I see that.

But the work we have to do and the lessons we learn along the way is DEEP stuff.

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