Money & Mom Guilt
My BFF and I are throwing our daughters (also bffs - how convenient!) a joint 1st birthday party.
Okay fine. We are throwing ourselves a “We Did It” party and calling it a 1st birthday party.
We want to make it nice. “A Tahitian Luau set under the Moon”. Good food. Fun drinks. The perfect outfits. Mini music concert for the babes. Festive decorations.
Part of me is all in.
And then part of me is like, “Really, Laura? A 1st birthday party, do you know how much that is going to cost? That is going to cost more than you want to spend on a silly party. You are basically throwing money away when you could be saving it for a house.”
My brain continues, “Okay fine, if you are going to have the party, do it, but see where you can cut back, so you are not being frivolous and stupid.”
So then I am in the “River of Misery” (this is when your brain is thinking two opposing things which ultimately makes you feel like absolute shit).
I go back and forth.
For example:
I find the cutest “on theme”, banana leaf dress. I go back and forth, do I get it do I not get it. If I get it then I will feel guilty because I shouldn’t have spent the money. If I don’t get it I will be bummed because I don’t believe there is a better outfit.
And this plays out in every scenario. With the food. With the decorations. With the music.
So I sat my indecisive self down for a chat.
I had to commit to what I wanted for this party.
At this point I think there are only 2 choices:
Create a budget, stick to budget and throw what I think is a cheap ass ghetto party. Have like an extra $200 for a house.
Go over “budget” (which I really never would have created - the party would just be “over budget” in my head) and feel guilty but throw a good party.
In the past I would have always subconsciously chosen #2.
I am forgetting that the above isn’t a real choice.
This time around it dawned on me.
The real choice looks like this:
I can choose to enjoy spending money on this party and have fun throughout the entire time. (insert mind blown emoji)
I can choose to spend the money and hate myself and feel guilty the whole way along.
I am slowly finding my way out of the River of Misery by committing to #1 “I can choose to enjoy spending money on this party and have fun throughout the entire time”.
I think thoughts like:
“How lucky that Natalie from Movin Groovin World will come play a concert at Luna’s bday - that this is even a thing - that I can pay someone to come and do my daughters favorite thing in the world. YES. sign me up for that! I want to pay for that a million times over!”
“I have all the money in the world for all of the things I want and need.”
“Celebrating life is one of my favorite core values and I choose to enthusiastically spend money on it.”
“I can make money for a banana leaf dress and a house and anything else I want and need.”
“I love my friends and family so much and I want to create something special for everyone.”
“How cool that money can buy things that make throwing a party so much fun.”
Now don’t get me wrong. These thoughts take effort for me to think. My brain fights me on them.
But I am committed and I am willing to work to rewire my brain for the best “We did…. I mean….. 1st Birthday Party” ever.