A Twist on We Can Do Hard Things

I hear from my clients and from my brain some version of “Yeah but, it’s hard” when it comes to a challenge we are facing.


As if this is a legit reason to not move forward. Or to be really freaked out.


I see and hear and preach some version of the bumper sticker sentiment “we can do hard things” all the time.


And this definitely helps.


But what I have been noticing lately is that what is even more powerful is “I can do hard things AND maybe I even WANT the things to be hard.”


It is kind of like a 10k or a really sweaty yoga class or climbing to the top of a mountain or some other physical challenge you are in to.


Isn’t the challenge part of the point? We signed up for it in the first place because it IS hard.


So, I am in the midst of a Facebook Ads course. Kill me now is my knee jerk reaction.


This shit is so effing hard and foriegn and complicated for my brain that when I started the course I practically broke my computer and had an epic temper tantrum that could compete with my almost 2 year olds’ current meltdowns.


And then yesterday (after days and hours of doing this course) some of it started to click. And oh my god. The feeling was sooooo rewarding.


It dawned on me -- oh yeah -- sometimes I want the things to be hard. Because when the things are hard the reward is so much sweeter.


Now if someone could have just told me this mid temper tantrum that would have been great.


Here’s to remembering next time that I in fact want *some* of the things to be hard.


Have the Best Week Ever,

Laura


The Boogie Man!

My husband travels for work sometimes. I used to HATE it because I was afraid of being alone.


I was afraid some dude would come in and get me. I don’t even really know what the dude would do but I was so scared of him.


So I would sleep at friends houses. Or my parents house. Or BEG my friends to come sleep over at my house.


But when Brian started going away for weeks at a time this got really exhausting and I was like oh my god I need to just get over this.


So I would stay by myself. But I never really got unscared.


I would build pillow forts all around me. Check all the closets and the bathtub before I went to bed. I would have just the right amount of white noise on. Sometimes drink too much wine to fall asleep easier. Sneak Luna out of her bed and bring her into my bed so she could “protect” me. HA!


But I was still pretty scared that the dude was gonna get me.


I honestly just thought it was a fact that I was someone who was just scared when her husband when out of town. I literally thought I was just making an observation.


It wasn’t til one of my friends called me out (ps thank you bon bon) on this that I realized that this was a CHOICE!!!


I didn’t have to be scared. I didn’t have to do my silly routines. It was actually possible that I get a good night sleep and be relaxed when my husband traveled.


What I teach all day long is that our thoughts cause our feelings. And so my thought, which by the way all of our thoughts are choices, was “someone is going to come in and get me” which caused me to be super scared.


Ahhh Hah!!! So after really looking at it and journaling and talking it out I realized I really want to be calm and relaxed when my hubster is out of town.


So what could I think that I really believed that could lead to this feeling?


I am super safe. I have done all the things to be safe. The security system is on. The doors are locked. I chose to live in a very safe neighborhood. And you know what if someone comes and gets me -- which is suuuuper unlikely -- I will do my best to protect myself -- and if he gets me, then he gets me and we can deal with the outcome and it will all be okay.


And so that is what I think, by choice, on purpose, and it freaking works!


I am so calm and relaxed I am almost to the point of getting excited for him to go out of town so I get the whole bed to myself. ;)


It is so great to look and see what we are telling ourselves as fact and notice if there is room for a shift, a new choice, a new thought, so we can feel better more.


My clients say things to me all the time like - I am just unorganized, I just have to have the house clean in order to work on my business, I just don’t like my husband, I just don’t have the time -- as if they are facts. They are not. They are choices. Which is the most powerful news ever.


Have the Best Week Ever,

Laura

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First Day of Preschool Dram Dram

My daughter Luna had her first day of preschool yesterday.

At about 11am one of the teachers emailed me.

“Luna is having a fantastic first day. She’s been really interested in books, the light provocations, and watching everyone from the window.

We feel so lucky to have you all as a part of room 4, we love her already! Check out some photos of Luna”

Pretty good update, right?

UMMMMM NOOOO.

That is not what my brain told me.

“What do you mean she was watching everyone from the window? Was she scared? Why wasn’t she playing with them? Was she anxious? Too shy? That is not like her. Something is definitely wrong, I better go pick her up.”

Isn’t that kind of nuts I thought all that?

But this is what our unmanaged brains do. They look for negative. For danger. They interpret perfectly neutral news as negative. They pick out one tiny little phrase in a really positive email and focus only on that.

Thank god I try to manage my brain most of the time. Because yesterday this whole song and dance was just so funny to me. I saw exactly what my brain was up to. Sneaky little thing.

And then moved on.

And then was just so grateful that she was having an awesome first day.

There is so much freedom in not believing everything we think.


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Namastay A Human

Do you guys know what Namaste means?


I was always taught it meant, “The light within me, sees and honors the light within you”.


It literally means “I bow to you.”


And since I have said it like 4,562 times in my life sometimes I think about what MY definition is.


What if it means “I see you”?  All of you. The light and the dark.


What if Namaste meant “the whole entire me, the light AND the dark, sees and acknowledges and loves the whole entire you”?


Now some of you are probably like well that is silly, shouldn’t we focus on the light?


And, yes I am all for that.


But what about our brains. What about when our brains inevitably interpret other people's behaviors as dark.


Like when we see someone as being defensive or critical or judgemental or lazy or kinda dumb or selfish orrr….. Fill in the blank.


What if we could Namaste (my definition :)) then?


Like say my friend is being super judgemental (my brain's interpretation of course -- and ps

the reason we even see the dark in the first place is because it exists within us too.).


So yeah she is being judgemental. What if I was like Namaste (again my def). Boom.


Meaning -- I see you being judgemental and you know what sometimes I am judgemental too. And you know what? It is all okay. I love you.


We are made up of light and dark because we are Humans and that is  just how we are made.


So for me, I get waaaaay farther when I allow myself to see and love it all.


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We're having a......

We’re having a……



BOY!!!



I was so shocked!!!



My brain thought I was 100% having a girl.



I just pictured I would have another Luna.



And then boom, there is a little baby penis swimming inside me.



I so could not wrap my head around a BOY BABY.



So I began polling all my boy mom friends.



What is it like to have a boy baby? Why is it so awesome? Like can you prove to me it is awesome? I was skeptical. Like how can it be as good as Luna!!!?!?!



Deep down I wanted my boy mom friends to CONVINCE me it was going to be as good as my girl baby.



After about the 18th mom and without any true satisfaction - despite my boy mom friends having really compelling reasons as to why boys are the best - I just realized babies are the best.



Human babies are the best.



And they are the best because they are one of a kind and unique and perfect just the way they are - boy or girl.



And even though I tried to find the answer, no one can tell me what this new relationship will be like because it will be like none other - it too will be one of a kind and unique and perfect.



So I am allowing myself to just be in the mystery of it all and it is soooo much more fun this way. I get to be curious and open and receptive.



And I’ve started to notice we can do this with anything in the future. We can just be fascinated by the mystery of it.



My guess is THIS way of thinking is exactly what will make the future things - whether they are boy babies or new jobs or boyfriends or whatever - even better than we could have imagined!



Have the Best Week Ever,

Laura



P.S. Aren’t my friends the best? They are literally so excited, it makes me cry every time I watch this video!!

Bora Bora and Body Love

I am just back from leading a week long retreat in Bora Bora!


If we are friends on social media -- yes it really was as good as it looked.


Bora Bora is like the most beautiful place on earth.


We couldn’t gush enough over the jaw dropping beauty, we couldn’t take enough pictures.


I will say --  sometimes it rains there. Sometimes the current in the lagoon picks up and the water isn’t THAT turquoise. Sometimes it gets cloudy and you can’t see the top of the majestic Mt. Otumanu.


BUT I didn’t ever hear, nor did I think, oh man, if that cloud could just move over a little to the left and the aqua could just brighten up a bit, then this would be perfect, it would be even more beautiful.


We just loved loved Bora Bora, we just delighted in the beauty of it all the time no matter what it looked like that day.


And since I was with some of my besties and some new awesome favorite people, we were gushing over being together and we couldn’t take enough pictures of each other.


Sometimes I really didn’t like a certain angle of my face or my chin, sometimes one of us thought we looked fat, and sometimes we had to delete the pic because “it was just that bad”.


Nature made Bora Bora and nature made our bodies.


Isn’t that crazy?


What if we could see all of nature and its uniqueness as perfect just the way it is. Even in pictures. Everytime.


Because really who cares if I look fat? So what? Then someone out there might think I look fat? So I am fat in someone's mind.


So what?


Are we so concerned about the pictures we take because we are afraid of being perceived as not good enough? Are we so conditioned that we really believe it is bad if we have some cellulite showing?


Why do we care so much?


For me, I realize it is such a waste of energy.


So from here on out I am just going to like every picture. I am just going to let the onlookers have their opinion about me, right or wrong. Because really who cares?


I know what I look like and I know who I am.


It may be a tall order but at least it is a fun challenge. What if we could just like every image of ourselves? Because it is perfect and because nature made it and because what other people think of it does not matter at all.


Only what we think and make it mean matters.


Have the Best Week Ever + Love,

Laura


And PS since I wrote this like 24 hours ago -- I have been majorly tested on my new decision to like every picture. My brain wants to critique every little “flaw” -- that is it’s default -- but if I have to like the picture -- my brain starts to get creative and for the most part I can get there. It actually IS kind of fun.

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Why Diets don’t Work

When I was in the thick of my yo-yo dieting days and the diet wasn’t “working” I secretly wished something was wrong with me and I really wished there was a magic pill that would solve said thing.


I would have rather been sick or unhealthy than actually have to stick to a “diet”. It is kind of sick in it of itself.


When my vitamin D was low, I thought oh this has to be the answer.


Or when I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue (later learned it was actually a misdiagnosis), I was like ah-hah.


Or maybe lemon water was the answer.


The thing is -- I wished so badly that the answer was OUTSIDE of myself. Outside of me having to experience discomfort.


I just wanted the magic pill.


I really just wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Literally.


I wanted to be thin and go to the party and eat and drink all of the things.


I wanted to weigh my natural weight and basically binge on vacation.

I wanted to eat half the bread basket and 4 pats of butter or the whole dessert when I ate out 4 times a week and still fit into THE jeans.


It wasn’t my thyroid or my vitamin d or anything else, it was my brain.


It is like my coach says, “It’s very hip these days to say that diets don’t work. Listen. Diets work. They do their job. They even lead to permanent weight loss. If you stay on them permanently. It’s not that diets don’t work. It’s that we stop doing them.”


So good, right?


So I found the closest thing I could to a magic pill: allowing discomfort versus resisting it, a customized “diet” that I am OBSESSED with, and deconditioning an intense over desire for unhealthy food.


It took work on my brain, my thoughts, my mindset to truly get what I wanted and to stop blaming my body for my undesired results.

Why Me?

In case you are not a blog loyalist (ps you totally should be, it is very cool to be a laura conley blog loyalist in case you haven’t heard), I just moved into a new home in a new state.


You guys we literally moved from a 600 sq ft apartment to a HOUSE.


Which means we have like no furniture. Which means overstock and crate and barrel are our number one fans.


Which means we get tons of packages everyday.


You guys, these packages, let me tell you, half the time, it is not the right order or the box is damaged or it is the wrong color and blah blah blah.


My knee jerk reaction is that my blood boils and I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE CAN’T DO THEIR MOTHER EFFING JOBS!!!!!


I ask myself, why can’t they get it right? Why did I order from them in the first place? Why can’t it just go smoothly?


Do you guys know they answers to these questions?


You don’t have to, to know that the answers to these questions are negative and literally make me feel like SHIT.


I just keep going into a lil tizzy spat thingy.


So I took a page out of Jen Sincero’s book and started asking “Why is this good?” instead.


My brain came up with so many good reasons (good job brain!) for why it is GOOD that the curtain rod rings didn’t match the actual curtain rod even though it said so online and thus I had to go to Crate and Barrel two times.


Literally for every “negative” thing that happens, I try to ask this, “Why is this good?” question and every single time my brain finds something GOOD.


And then the trajectory of my day and my mood is like 1000% times better.


It is magic.


Our brains love to answer questions. Our brains don’t care if the questions we pose elicit a negative or positive response. They just love to find answers.


Why is this good?


Try it. It will change everything.


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Why I Quit and you might too.

Are you a quitter?


Or are you more of a legitter?


AKA do you make excuses to not do the things that you planned to do?


Or when you don’t do things you planned to do is it because of a legit reason?


My colleague calls this a “LEGIT” vs. a “QUIT”.


I have been grappling a lot lately with which camp I fall into when it is time to do things I don’t feel (insert whiny toddler voice)  like doing.


As you know, we moved halfway across the country into our new home with barely any furniture, I often have gnarly altitude/ morning sickness along with this blessing of a pregnancy and I have a fun, spirited toddler.


And. I have a crazy huge business goal.


So. It will be time to do what is scheduled to do on my calendar. Let’s say my calendar says “create xyz video”.


My brain will come up with all kinds of reasons as to why I don’t feel like it or I can’t possibly do that right now.


Sometimes my brain will tell me I can’t do the video right now because my bff told me it is “WAY DAY” and I all of a sudden need to take advantage of the the amazing outdoor furniture sale Wayfair is having. Like right now.


Sometimes I don’t feel like it because I feel physically soooo nauseous.


Sometimes it is, well there isn’t a good place to record the video because the house isn’t decorated, what are you just gonna have white walls behind you?!


Sometimes I don’t feel like it because I am just so exhausted.


And then sometimes I don’t feel like it because the house is destroyed and unorganized and I would just be so much more productive if I just cleaned up and organized an entire room first.


Or what about when the nanny unexpectedly cancels?


Or the landscaping guy can only come between these specific hours?


Only I know if these are LEGITS or QUITS. Reasons or excuses. And only you know when it comes to your schedule.


But what I do know is that in general LEGITS happen once in a blue moon and QUITS try to happen all day everyday. At least for me.


But right now there are actually MORE LEGITS given my circumstances AND this is the kicker, way more opportunities for my brain to try to disguise QUITS as LEGITS.


It is so helpful to be able to decipher which is which.. And when I really stop and ask myself, I know deep down which is which.


So when a quit comes up, I can just simply notice it, know that this is NORMAL for my brain to do (aka don’t beat yourself up)  and move onto creating the video (ps this feels like ass) and when a LEGIT comes up I can take care of it without any drama.


You can apply this tool to your calendar, to the way you eat and even to your relationships.


How to Make Your dreams come true!

In 2013 I wrote down this very goal, “Brian and I move into our dream home, city and neighborhood by December 31, 2019”.



Part of me wholeheartedly believed this.



Part of me was totally freaked out and wanted to unwrite it.



Part of me was giddy with excitement.



AND a big part of me was like, “HOW!!!??”



For so many of us the question of “HOW?” equals “STOP”.



Part of us wants to lose the weight or buy the house or launch our side hustle.



But then another part of us is like “How are you gonna do that?”



And we are like “I have no clue. Yeah you are probably right, it is too hard. It won’t work. I just don’t know. I don’t even know who does know.”



We think we have to know the answer to “HOW?” in order to move forward.



So we stop. We stop dreaming, planning, goaling, creating.



And then we are at risk for leading a pretty mediocre life, a life that is just on auto-pilot, set to default mode.



Most awesome things in life didn’t start with the how.



My guess is Steve Jobs didn’t know HOW to create the iphone or the first builders of dream homes didn’t know HOW to build an actual dream home or like those little heat packets you put in your mittens, those guys definitely didn’t know the HOW.



You guys. I had NO IDEA how we would buy our house.



But that wasn’t important.  All I had to know was the WHAT.



What did I want? I wanted the house.



So my job was committing to the house and simply taking the next best step. Saving some money here and there. Exploring this neighborhood and that one. Talking to this real estate agent and another mortgage broker. Scheming up ideas with my husband.



Sometimes the next best step didn’t work. Sometimes it took me in a new direction. But I believed in this dream and was committed to it so I just kept going.



At one point someone “important” actually told me that we could not get a house. I could have believed them.



When I look back at HOW this goal unfolded, I realize I could have NEVER known that HOW. And that is part of the beauty of it.



But I can tell you I never gave up (even though I wanted to sometimes) on the goal.



So as I sit here on April 9, 2019 I am like boo ya!!! We did it!!! We live in an our dream home, neighborhood and city!!



Not because we knew how but because we knew the what and were committed, above all else, to the belief that we would make it happen.



Have the best week ever,



Laura



PS if you have a dream that is leaving you feeling stuck, or a goal where you think this work doesn’t apply ;), try me, book a free mini coaching session and let’s do it! Sessions are open through tonight (Wednesday at midnight!).

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