Body Betrayal + How to Love your body thin

Like so many women (and men) I had a baby and was in TOTAL AWE of the power of the human body.


From growing her inside my womb to growing her outside of my womb and to the actual birth itself.


Primally awesome, mind blowing, miraculous stuff right!?!?


I made a human (by the way, a really cute, dynamic, full of life one, heheh) with my body.


So when it came to losing the baby weight it felt fundamentally WRONG to use the “old way” to weigh what I wanted to weigh.


The “old way” consisted of many fucked up yet totally culturally acceptable methods.


One was subtly hating my body and they way it looked in hopes that if I somehow beat myself up hard enough this would take pounds off.


I just couldn't bring myself to my “old way”.


Even one negative thought felt like total body betrayal.


So I decided what if I tried to “love my body thin” instead?


Think about it.


You’re getting dressed for a fun dinner out (aka you have to put actual clothes on).


You think “Ewwwww I look soooo gross and fat” or


“Nothing looks good” or


“How did I let myself get here?”


Then you feel completely defeated.


Then you go to said dinner feeling like shit and end up up eating like the entire bread basket, the pasta and the dessert, because “what is the point any way?”


Might as well use food to feel a little better since you feel like shit about the way your body looks.


And then you actually end up gaining weight.


So backwards.


So what if we got dressed for the fun dinner and thought,


“I just had a baby and I love my body for creating this miracle” or


“maybe I don’t look the way I want to yet but I am up for this challenge” or


“I am just gonna choose to rock this bod because it gives me so much” or


“I am on the path to feeling how I want to in my skin no matter what”.


Then you go to said dinner feeling somewhat motivated or content (or at least not defeated).


Then you just eat a normal healthy dinner which makes you feel awesome and perpetuates the whole thing.


And then maybe you lose a pound.


We can totally love our bodies right into our most natural weight.


How much more fun is that?


PS If are curious as to HOW to love your body thin, sign up for a free mini coaching session and get started now.


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Chocolate covered pretzels + How to lose your sweet (or salty) tooth!

We moved into to our “quaint” apartment about 7 years ago.


We truly have loved living here.  It is near the beach, Main St, walking distance to like 7 parks (and we all know how important that from my last post).


AND some of our neighbors have been the best part.


Natalie is one of the good ones.


We hit it off right from the start when she introduced herself with quite the icebreaker.


Remember the part about our place being “quaint”? That is code for we share like 7 walls with 7 different people.


So one night before we had officially met Natalie, she heard Brian and me nothing fighting.


Apparently I was legit yelling at him “Well you hid them where I could find them!!!!”


She was intrigued and kept listening.


She overheard what was me being SO MAD at Brian for not hiding the chocolate covered pretzels well enough.


I had found them and eaten all of them.


And then felt like total shit (both mentally and physically).


And this was obviously his fault. Asshole.


When she told us this we instantly bonded (albeit I was a teensy bit red in the face!!!) and kept our nothing fighting to one of those loud whispers situations from then on.


7 years later Natalie, nor any other neighbor will hear us nothing fighting about the food not hidden well enough, and it is not because of the loud whisper thing.


It is because I literally trained my brain to not want the chocolate covered pretzels.


Right now in my apartment there are doritos, ice cream, tortilla chips and peanut butter stuffed chocolate covered pretzels. They are just there. Like out in the open. And I just don’t want them.


There is so much power in not having to micromanage the pantry, the upcoming party, the happy hour. I can just go and genuinely not want the things that really don’t serve me.


It is pure freedom.


PS if you want to work on taking away your over desire for food sign up for a free mini coaching session now. Wouldn’t it be nice to just not be tempted? To just naturally weigh what you want to weigh?


Yeah, but….. when “self” deprecating gets dangerous

You know I love to learn from experiences from my daughter, Luna.


So we go to the park, like all the time.


We go so much and she loves it so much that lately she has been waking up and basically yelling PARK at us.


She shakes her stroller and yells PARK.


She is in her jammies at 7pm at the back door yelling PARK.


So, we go all the time.


And when we go to the park people comment on how vocal she is.


“Wow, how old is she, I can’t believe she can say that!?”


Or… “she talks a lot.”


It’s true, she is pretty vocal.


So when the other moms or dads mention this I agree.


BUT then I have to really bite my tongue.


My knee jerk reaction is to respond and say “but have you seen her walk? Oh no, you haven’t? That is because she barely walks.”


I mean it is one thing to self deprecate (more on this later). But to do it on your daughter's behalf?


Yuck.


Why do I want to do this I ask myself?


Am I just a product of our overly cautious, I-don’t-want-to-come-across-as-conceited culture?


Am I trying to make another parent feel a certain way?


Whatever the reason is, it doesn’t really matter, all I know is that potentially putting her down in front of her to other parents is the silliest thing ever.


So it is just “yeah, she is vocal and awesome.” And that is it. End scene.


It has taken some mindfulness work to get super conscious so I can be who I want to be around her but it is so worth it.


How to get back up after a fall...

My daughter Luna is learning to walk.


I was doing that hysterical laughing but trying not to thing tonight as she trapsed around the house barely catching herself from falling every other step as if she had 3 too many vodka sodas while wearing sunglasses that are even too big for my face.


It is a long process this walking thing.


She falls all the time.


Sometimes she doesn’t seem to care.


Sometimes she gets super frustrated.


Sometimes she thinks it is funny.


Sometimes she scares herself and cries.


But she always gets back up. Always.


She really wants to walk.


She can see that walking is the next right thing for her.


She is totally committed.


So she just keeps getting back up and working at her walking.


She will definitely walk without falling (mostly) someday probably pretty soon.


She never thinks, well I never walked before so I better not try.


Or this is too hard, I think I quit.


Or that last time when I fell it was really scary so no thanks, walking.


Or everyone else has it so much easier than me.


She just falls. Feels her feelings. And gets back up.


It really can be just that simple.


With our side hustle goal. Or our marriage goal. Or our having babies goal. Or our weight loss goal.


So this is exactly what we must do.


Commit. “Fall”. Feel the feeling <insert frustration, humor, fear>. Get back up. Rinse. Repeat.


If you know you often fall and can’t get back up, this is exactly what we will working on at my workshop this Saturday morning. Only a few more spots left, sign up here.


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Shower Thoughts

The other day I got out of the shower.



I was toweling off as I was bending over (no this is not going somewhere creepy).



I noticed my belly.



I noticed it’s shape and size.



Then I noticed how I didn’t say anything negative at all, in any way, about said belly.



It was just there.



Then I just kept toweling off.



I just kept doing my day.



So weird.



So awesome.



I didn’t go down the rabbit hole about how I shouldn’t have eaten that thing and about how I am going to be extra strict this week and about how maybe I should even cancel those happy hour plans.



I think I just like put on lotion and brushed my hair.



If you are like me and you have beat yourself up on repeat for decades you know what a big deal this is.



If you are in the .00001% of women who never had any body issues you are probably just super bored by this particular blog.



But this wasn’t an accident.



This was a daily practice of retraining my brain to believe what I wanted to believe about my body. It was effortful and purposeful.



But now I get to (for the most part) go unconscious and just automatically think neutral and positive thoughts about my body.



I used to be unconscious and just automatically think negative thoughts and feel like crap.

It is so much better this way.


If you want to learn how to do this sign up for a mini coaching session by Friday, January 18th.


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The secret to actually keeping your new year’s resolution

You’ve decided.


This is the year.


The year you lose the weight for good. Or buy the house. Or find your person. Or start your side hustle. Or create that really awesome art.


You know why you want it so badly. You are so wholeheartedly committed.


But what happens when the enthusiasm has worn off and you just don’t feel like it?


What happens when there is yet another party with your favorite mushroom toasts and you have already said no to so many fun treats?


Or you just don’t feel like going out on that blind date?


What happens when you are so tired from your ‘real job’ you just can’t muster up the energy to reach out to potential side hustle clients?


This is the moment you either move towards getting what you want or you give into “I don’t feel like it”.


It feels like no big deal.


We say to ourselves….


One mush toast won’t hurt.


I will go out with him next week.


I can do it tomorrow.


DREAM STEALERS.  All of these thoughts.  


RESOLUTION ROBBERS. All of these sentences in our heads.


Most of us think we have two options when these thoughts arise.


Option one, give into the I don’t feel like it and eat the toast.


OR.


Option two, use will power. We resist the toast or force ourselves to go on the date. And we all know in the long run will power never really works because will power is not a renewable resource, it eventually runs out.


We forget that there is a third option.


It is not fancy. It doesn’t inspire a huge a-ha. It isn’t really fun. But it is kind of the secret to life.


I know I have really got your by the seat of your pants.


Option 3 is to simply ALLOW. Very simple. Not easy.


Simply allow your brain to be a brain.


Let your brain freak out when it is time to do the thing you set out to do on January 1 and it is now March 15 and all the excitement has waned.


Simply allow all the thoughts. Then take a couple of deep breaths.


Remember this is just your brain being a brain. Trying to protect you. Sweet little brain.


Nothing has gone wrong. This is actually how we know we are on the exact right path.


So this year. Go get the thing. Feel the feeling. Create the best thing ever. Do your dream.


But, know that this path sucks. This path of dream doing is uncomfortable and full of doubt and full of brain freaking out - ness.


It is also so awesome, one of the best parts of the human experience and definitely not to be missed.


It is the most worth it thing ever.


So the best thing I can offer is to help you to prepare to allow your brain to be a brain.


What will you say to your brain when your brain gets really creative and tells you not to do the thing? (actually answer this.)


How will you protect you from your brain from a space of allowing? (same thing here.)


This is option 3. Allowing your brain to be a brain. Take a deep breath. Thank it for sharing. And go back to your chosen resolution or intention or goal.


You’ve got this.

If you want to get your thing for real this year, get help with it. I get coached on my 2019 intention every week. Book your free 30 minute mini coaching session here.


The one Thing

In 2018 I picked only one thing (goal, intention, resolution, whatever you want to call it) to focus on and achieve for the entire year.


Usually I pick like 37 things. So for me, one thing was really, really hard.


My brain freaked out a little.


But I did it with the promise that I would actually accomplish more and what I would accomplish would actually be COMPLETE.


I picked lose the baby weight (and some) permanently in a healthy, nourishing way and to finally free myself from all the drama around food and my body FOREVER.


Read: no calorie counting, no calorie restriction, no deprivation, no diets, no excessive working out, no beating myself up or hating my body, no losing 8 pounds in 2 weeks mentality (all of my previous go - tos).


Picking one thing took the confusion out of what to focus on.


Took the indecision out of what I should spend my time on.


It made it so easy to manage my calendar and the activities that I scheduled.


So as I sit here exactly a year later, I realize just how completely I blew my goal out of the water.


Yes I achieved the actual goal...


I LOVE my body so much you guys it is nuts. I lost 25 pounds and didn’t count one effing calorie.  I worked out just because I love to and not because it was punishment or to “earn” the pasta.


I kind of can’t believe I am writing these words.


I kind of thought I would just struggle with this forever.


But that isn’t even the coolest thing about it.


I picked just one thing. And in picking just one thing I got so much more than one thing or 37 things.


Who I had to become and the habits I had to create to achieve this goal started to flow over into my business, my relationships, my money in way I could have never expected.


So for 2019 go all in on just one thing. I promise it’ll be the best year of your life.


Work with me in 2019 to make it happen. Schedule your free 30 minute coaching session here.


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I am 35 and a half.

Today is my half birthday.


I love my mom for always throwing us half birthday parties :).


So, I am 35 and a half.


I say I am cool with getting older. I even say I like it.


Part of me really does believe this.


And I really do believe each birthday is a privilege.


I preach this.


On my actual birthday I celebrate big and will gladly tell people my age.


I don’t hide it on facebook profiles or random surveys.


I roll my eyes when people won’t share their age.


But then I noticed I am not as “cool” as I thought I am around age.


I notice how I think I am but how I am not really living it.


I notice how when a friend who I know is younger than me asks me how old I am, I cringe, yes I tell them of course, but I cringe and I tell them, “Oh, I am old, I am 35” with this wah-wah-almost-longing-for-32 energy.


I notice how with each month passing I subtly resist 36.


How I am not fully open to it.


Or if I am open to it, it is with condition.


Like, for example, I tell myself, well as long as I am making this amount of money by the time I am 36 then it’ll be okay that I am 36.


Or like maybe if I am pregnant again by the time I am 36 then I can swallow it.


And so now what? Now that I know this about myself what will I do?


I will be the person I think that I am. I am 35 and a freaking half and so damn proud.


And not because of anything I accomplished or not.


Just because I am that age and that is awesome just in it of itself.


It might be a little wonky to lean into to this partial belief, but I will and in no time I will be fully there, rocking 36 and then 37 and then 72 and then 93.


I am so done being kind of okay ish with my age.


Wanna come over tonight for half of a birthday cake in a half decorated kitchen to celebrate?


Love you mom <3.

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Going Unconscious

For those of you that get my newsletter, you heard all about how obsessed I was with my weekend in Ojai last weekend.



Like top 10 weekends ever obsessed. It was that good.



There was yoga, big fluffy robes, long runs, naps by the fire, deep restorative relaxation and so much fun and connection with my soul sister.



But I forgot to tell you one thing.



I forgot to tell you how I went unconscious.



I didn’t realize it until the Monday after the retreat. I realized I had gone unconscious at Brunch on Saturday morning.



See the brunch was a buffet.



But like the good kind of buffet, the fancy kind.



I selected a normal “on my plan” brunch of eggs, bacon and some fruit when I went up to the buffet.



Then I ate the meal as I chatted with some of the awesome retreat goers.



Then I went back to my room. Went for a run. Jacuzzied. Read.



Then I just went about my AMAZING weekend.



Then on Monday I realized I had gone unconscious.



I didn’t get up for seconds at brunch.



And that is not even the kicker.



I didn’t even THINK about getting up for seconds.



I didn’t go back and forth in my head about whether to get up again. I didn’t start half listening to my new friend talk about her journey with IVF because I was so consumed with how good the french toast looked.



I didn’t get up and then get something that wasn’t really on plan and then eat it and then feel physically sick.



I used to go unconscious and get the food and then feel like shit.



And now *apparently* I go unconscious and just don’t think of it and then I feel amazing.



Halle - effing - lujah.



But let me be clear. This was not an accident.



I just didn’t know this would show up when it did.



I have consciously rewired my brain so I could create a new and eventually unconscious habit.



I kind of can’t believe it!!



Happy rewiring.



I didn’t do this alone. If you want help rewiring your habits book yourself a coaching package or free mini sesh to see if we are a good fit. Prices go up in 2019.

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Why I Am Insane. And Why You Might Be Too.

When I was in pharma sales, my boss was obsessed with telling us the definition of insanity.


I am sure you have heard it.


We’re insane when we do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.


I consider myself fairly willing to change, to adapt, to course correct when something is not working.


But, then it dawned on me.


I have been insane for 20 years.


I have been believing in, thinking about, doing some form of calories in, calories out diet, “lifestyle” or program since I was a teenager.


Yes, I called it something different every time. Atkins. Weight Watchers. My fitness pal. South beach. What the trainer said to do. My custom meal plan from v expensive nutritionist. Tracey Andersen Method.

But it was always the same. Calories in. Calories out.


And my results were always the same.


Do some version of calories in calories out. Lose some weight. Keep it off for a very short amount of time. Gain weight. Feel shitty about myself. Do some version of cal…..


Enter vicious cycle life. For 20 years.


So at the beginning of this year I committed to ending this sad cycle and I did.

As I write these words I feel so FREE I could burst.


If you are curious about dropping this insane game click here a book a free 45 minute session.

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